"ARE WE THERE YET?"

As parents we cannot help but worry. We probably spend an awful lot of time in our lives worrying. At home, we worry about getting our children to the “right” schools then about if they can cope and their grades in school. We worry about bills to pay and rising costs of necessities and then about keeping our jobs to pay those bills and the list does not stop there. Over the span of our lifetime, we may find that worrying accounts for hours and hours of invaluable time that we’ll never get back.

When you think about it over the years, in spite of all the worrying, we seem to fair pretty well and all our bills eventually get paid. So, why do we worry so much? Should we not spend our time more wisely and more enjoyably with the family?

painting by Jan (age 9)

If you're not convinced yet to give up your worrying, perhaps one of the great biblical reasons to tell us not to worry could be found here in Matthew 6:25-26: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” What an awesome assurance from God!

I don't know about you, but I seem to get busier each year. So worrying is really a waste of very precious time, won’t you agree? Worrying won't help you solve a problem or bring about a solution, so why waste your time and energy on it?

Well, with so little time, I admit that I am not a big fan of going to the movies. It just feels like I am “trapped” in a seat, in front of a big screen, not able to do anything else for nearly 120 minutes of my life! I find it unproductive, but that’s just me. Occasionally though, I would make time to join the family in a movie, especially when it comes highly “recommended” by my young daughter. Understandably then, it usually would be a children’s cartoon or animated movie.

So here’s a scene from a movie I want to share, that was somewhat an awakening for me. In the movie, The Incredibles - a cartoon about a superhero dad going through mid-life crisis (I often wonder, why does it feel like children’s movies are created not for children, but for parents?). The superhuman family travels to the scene of the film's climax and one of the children asks, "Are we there yet?" repeatedly. To that, each time the father would reply, “No!” But after several times being asked, the irate father yelled out, “We’ll get there when we get there!” On that cue, the punch line received much laughter.

Amid the laughter, I took in a poignant moment, thinking that we should not be too bothered about “getting there” but instead be glad that the family is still on a journey. Whilst we stay on this journey, we should just be glad for the time we have together - to live, learn, renew and love but not to worry. Indeed, we should not be too eager to hear that we have “arrived”, because then we would have ran out of time!

A QUESTION OF FAITH

          The birth of a baby is always an exciting experience for the whole family yet one that can bring much stress and anxiety especially for new parents. The responsibility of guiding and caring for a dependent small life can be quite daunting. When you stop and really think about it - it is no wonder that parents assume the role as primary educators of faith for their children - at the Rite of Baptism, a tiny little baby first experiences God in the arms of his or her parents!

         

       As I recall twenty-one years ago, my spouse and I stood before God, while the priest posed three big questions to us preceding our marriage vows. The two questions on ‘giving of each other in marriage’ and ‘honouring each other’ were the easy ones – after all, we have known each other for some time and knew exactly what we were getting into. Then was the question about ‘accepting children lovingly from God and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church’ – Honestly, how could we be sure of the unknown? Nonetheless, in good faith, we responded, ‘we will’. We both agreed to bring children up according to the Catholic Church, but did we really know ‘how’?

We have, since, come to appreciate that as parents we are gifted with a privileged role of cultivating faith in our children. We are comforted in knowing however, that we are never alone in this task. We realise that for our children to have faith, we ourselves as parents must first have faith. After all, it is in our home and through us that our young children will first experience the sacred presence of God. Whether this experience is one that is personal and intimate or impersonal and indifferent, it would be reflected in the way we ourselves embrace our faith. To have Christ dwelling within us, to constantly share His Word in Scripture and to join with our church family in the Breaking of Bread are all essential in living our faith. Children watch and imitate their parents, from learning how to love, to listen and respond, to forgive, to pray, to reach out and to serve. Perhaps the saying, “faith is caught, not taught,” holds much truth.

Indeed the Catholic Church also has many mechanisms in place to help us. One of which can be found in the teachings of the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC), particularly in paragraphs 2221 – 2230, sub-headed “the duties of parents”. However, contrary to finding a list of do’s and don’ts, I found much encouragement and am reminded of our ever-loving and forgiving God, gently drawing out the great love that He has planted deep inside a parent’s heart.

It can be reassuring to know then, as parents, that bringing children up in faith is not so much a question of ‘how’ but rather by living the faith at home and trusting that with God’s grace we can find holiness in our everyday family lives. 

A GIFT FROM ABOVE

At the start of the October school examinations last year, a very good friend and mother shared an article with me, saying “It was a timely and inspiring piece”. 

So this month as we celebrate Mothers’ Day amidst the unavoidable exam anxieties, perhaps it may bring us, as it did her, a sense of perspective and sanity, to our otherwise motherhood mayhem.

The article, entitled “I Don’t Want to Raise Successful Children”, may not immediately strike you as something to share with others, but I would strongly encourage you to take the time to read it. The premise of Lysa TerKeurst’s article⁽¹⁾ is, My job isn’t to push success for my kids. My job as a parent is to recognise the unique way God created each child and point them to Jesus at every turn along their journey toward adulthood. Yes, I want my kids to learn and thrive and grow up educated, but it’s not a flaw in me or them if they don’t have straight A report cards and trophy cases full of sports medals.

In her search to make sense of her role as a Mother, TerKeurst’s thoughts stemmed from a particular scripture verse: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (Proverbs 22:6). This struck a familiar note for me - something I had quite forgotten from 13 years ago - back to the time when I was blessed with a gift from above, my daughter.

From birth till she was nearly five, “Train Up This Child” and a series of other comforting and inspiring songs would play from this old cassette tape by Kelly Willard called “Bless My Little Girl”⁽²⁾. It played every time I prepared her for nap or at bedtime. But really these became more my prayers than it was songs for her to fall gently to sleep. Willard sang beautifully these tender lyrics: 

Give us Your wisdom and teach us the things that we need to know.

To train up this child in the way that she should go.

Lord you have placed a precious life in our hands.

Now give us the grace that she may be raised according to Your plan.

I have always felt that our children have been hand-picked for us according to God’s plan. They are only temporarily ours, a loan of love and we are to keep them on the path toward His plan and purposes. As they come from God, so they are gifted as God intended. Each child is specially made to be part of the larger plan of God that we cannot yet see. 

⁽¹⁾ http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/i-dont-want-to-raise-successful-children/

⁽²⁾ Music CD from Integrity Music, Inc. (matching baby boy version also available)